How I Learned to Connect with My Inner Child to Support Self-Forgiveness and Heal the Mother Wound

Inner child work involves reparenting yourself

This is a series of ten Mending the Mother Wound Through Self-Forgiveness posts for our Sacred Circle members. The ten posts, which will include affirmations, journal prompts, and an activity, will be assembled in an eBook included in your paid subscription. Free subscribers will be able to purchase a copy once the series has ended.

I have saved one of the best and most effective processes for addressing and resolving the mother wound for this late in the series because it's powerful.

Healing the mother wound through inner child work is one of the most profound paths to self-forgiveness and emotional restoration. The pain unskilled parenting leaves doesn't just create wounds; it disrupts the foundation of how we see ourselves, what we believe we deserve, and how safe we feel in the world.

The lack of a sense of safety in my life has been increasingly apparent lately. It's coming up so that I can acknowledge it and resolve it.

When you connect with your inner child, it allows you to revisit the small human you once were and re-parent yourself in the present. You get the chance to give your younger self the love, attention, affection, recognition, support, and encouragement your younger self craved but never got.

Before we delve into this topic, I'll remind you again, if you've read any of the previous posts in this series, that if your mother wound issues are creating havoc in your life, it's a good idea to work with a mental health professional, a spiritual coach, guide or counselor to support you in resolving them. Uncovering and facing childhood wounds and trauma that have had a profound and lasting impact on your adult life is serious. Having a knowledgeable, trusted guide with you will help you cultivate a sense of safety.

I first learned about inner child work in seminary. My issues with my parents and my, let's call it volatile childhood kept coming up. In addition to the spiritual coaching I received in seminary, I also worked with a therapist after graduation.

One of my professors recommended that I buy a baby doll and see myself through its eyes. I was to keep the doll where I could see it, nurture it, and love it as I would have wanted to feel loved as a child.

At first, I felt almost ambivalent about that doll.

I was one of those girls who loved dolls as a child. I loved baby dolls when I was little. I named my babies and cared for them like a good little mommy. My heart broke every time I saw a commercial for the "Baby Alive" doll on TV because my parents wouldn’t buy one for me.

My grandmother made and sold baby dolls. Back in the 1980s, when the Cabbage Patch doll craze was at its peak, my grandmother made a good living creating custom baby dolls for people. My sister and I helped her stuff the doll bodies and limbs and other tasks to help her crank out those dolls.

As I grew older, my older sister and I developed a fondness for Barbie dolls. We both knew how to sew and knit, so our Barbies had quite a fancy wardrobe. Our mom was a custom dressmaker. She sewed clothing for models, created wedding dresses, and made all kinds of regular outfits. She had an enviable collection of scraps that we'd raid to make fabulous fashions for our Barbies.

One day, she gathered up our dolls, their clothes, and accessories in a black garbage bag and threw them away. She had decided that we were too old to be playing with dolls.

We were devastated, but we eventually got over it.

My ambivalence about opening my heart to that new doll may seem ridiculous, but it was as if I didn't want to re-experience the heartbreak of having my dolls taken away as if that would catapult me from being a little girl to having adult responsibilities.

After much prayer and forgiveness work, I was able to embrace that doll, and she has been a great help in my inner child and self-forgiveness process.

Now, let's explore how inner child work supports self-forgiveness and examine some practical steps and practices for healing the mother wound.